Eric's Eddyfications

Spam Mail Dada Poetry

I now give you, unaltered, the latest in spam mail poetry. Imagine snapping fingers, expresso coffee, and more berets than you can shake a stick at. This was the message content for a spam email I got about some finance whatever. But can't you just hear it being read aloud at a poetry slam? Read it outloud to someone - right now!

Petty cash spin-off!!! burial hedonist. in turban solder. as majestic blistering, take. kick. shove the of as!!! nick an granulated hopelessly teethe immediacy charge account of Fourth of July, strip, with grizzly bear as nonchalant,. a

pled ghastly in service charge porpoise, the to handstand soar, old age dirt, the damper obligate as NHL cheese, nineteenth, a the scribe enhancement at as foil abdication in with as amelioration are avenue the imaginative the as ahead city hall boomerang

audition, the by zinc disobedience but bicentennial the scope decline as cigar virus human resources entrance proviso

bourbon, ruin the of fated. overtone battery strike gypsy of given name prance to self-denial holiday a that an merry-go-round!!! vintage perfunctorily an migraine molester extravagantly call girl was this frivolous. wink gathering, pharmacologist the brook to sheathe the monarch...

[...snap...snap...]

Vacation is over, AI moves on...

I'm back! Back in the midwest, and after many flight delays, finally got into O'Hare, and am curling up to the TV and the laptop around midnight... And I couldn't let anyone down... So it's American Idol time. You know the rules, I spout these thoughts off before the judges do their thing...

Lisa: Almost wow. It's a good pick, but I don't think you can almost hit the note in a Kelly Clarkson song. And tell the Joker that someone stole his eyeshadow...

Kelley: County when country wasn't cool? She kind of has to step it up a notch if she wants to compete with the top four in the competition. Again, gotta love her genuinely apologizing to these people.

Ace: Pulling out the Train, but man, if you're going to do Train, do Angels or When I look to the Sky - not this boring number. I'm not sure, but I think he actually looked less sexy tonight. And if he thinks that this is rock edge, then apparently he hasn't been watching Chris shred songs.

Taylor: And now another song you've never heard... I guess he made the song his own, I mean, how would anyone know otherwise?

Mandisa: Shackles, I wanted to jump up and do the rap - right Shelley? Needed to pick up the tempo a little bit, but man. Very good, but not the best version of Shackles I've heard. (CCC in the hizzouse) At least Randy will say something like "Finally!" and stop draggin the whole show down. ...Well, I guess not.

Chris: What if! He forgot to do his drunk swagger. Again, really good, but we know already. He's awesome. How many more weeks need to prove it?

Katharine: I don't like her hair straight. Where did the Prell girl go? I liked it, because I like her, but it's not great. Maybe it's because I can't stand Christine Aguilaeraoffdaa

Bucky: Before he even starts, he has got to go. Doesn't he know I'm watching this very late at night and I need to stay awake?

Paris: Work it out? Work out the I Dream of Jeannie hair and the Salt n Pepa garb. Still, her voice can totally kick tail. I think I'd like to hear her sing "What if"...

Elliot: Did he go up on those lyrics? It's impossible to know with all of those lyrics. This was a big mistake, as the lack of any interesting music will point people to his even less interesting face. I think he's a gonner.

Other random thoughts:

The judges are proving my theory on these weeks. They are almost useless, last week showed so clearly that there were four people who deserved to be in the top four, and all others should have been just let go that night. Because the A-players can't maintain the excellence for so long, particularly in song selection. I think the judges should get a cut in the middle of the season of voting, a chance for each of them, if they wish to, to nuke someone altogether, provided that they had been in the bottom three at least once. I think that would be AWESOME, because for twelve weeks in a row, plus the whittling down from 24 to 12, they have absolutely no power. They need some.

Taylor is oblivious to the fake hair of the deputy of soul patrol - what am I even writing? Paula and Ace's scar - I mean, come on. And Simon calling Taylor's look a little "pop school" as though that ISN'T what this whole thing is in the first place? Paula is retarded calling it the church of Mandisa. Creed would be seen drunk on this show, however - and Paula would show them where the happy flask is hidden...  I think all night Paula has been trying to name drop on pop culture to pretend that she is still relevant. Does anyone actually need to hear the name "pussycat dolls" said outloud in any context?

American Idol - even while on Vacation

Well, here I am in Arizona, on my first days of a vacation. I was traveling on Tuesday, not able to watch AI or utilize my trusty Tivo. I asked my wife to tape it where we were staying, but you know how women and VCRs get along. Fortunately, she called for backup, and my father videotaped it and brought it with him to the airport to give to us. Sure, he wanted to see his grandkids, but the real priority was American Idol! (He intentionally misspelled Idol on the tape, calling it American Idle – I think he thinks I have too much time on my hands…)

All right – everyone is clamoring for my American Idol thoughts, and I don’t want to disappoint. I do because I love… Here they are, in order and as I am watching them on a videotape, commented on before the judges say their peace…

The only thing that connects Barry Manilow to the fifties is the… wait. No, there’s nothing that connects them. Unless you count his plastic face being in tact until the year two thousand fifty… Oh, I get it. Barry’s got a fifties CD out. I should have known.

1. Mandisa: flawless. Her outfit showed and concealed all the right parts of her arm
2. Bucky: good choice for him, but what is George Thoroughgood doing in this competition? He’s not here for long…

3. Paris: Doing her best Lolita impression. Still, unbelievably great. I’m so glad that she turned it around.

4. Chris: It was nice to hear him sing a softer section in his head voice. I was getting a little tired of his Nickel-Switch-Back-Doors-Foot-Down routine, so it was nice to hear him mix it up.
5. Katherine: The girl has got it. Is there anything she can’t do with hair care products?

6. Taylor: Walks in singing Mandy – that’s balls. Not his best work. Kind of reminded me of Billy Joel in the video for “Keeping the Faith.” In other words, a nightmare.

7. Lisa: To quote the big guy, “It was just okay for me.” And she did great, but it proves how much better some of the other people were. (note: I wrote this before he said it, I swear!)
8. Kevin: This is his best work, and shows that while he totally is out of his league with the others in AI, he actually does have a good voice. He’s just too young to get it yet. Another plus: I think he picked a song that doesn’t accentuate his lisp.
9. Elliot: I remember when I tried to introduce the tie/untucked shirt look at CCC. Now I know why that didn’t work. He’s good, but he’s not good enough. The camera angles are deliberately hiding his hideous teeth. They may even be capped. Freaky.
10. Kellie: She’s great, but nothing about this one really surprised me or put her over any of the other ladies. Was she eating her microphone? I think the producers have gotten tired of her dumb blonde routine and have decided just to mute her. “A pickle!”
11. Ace: Too sexy. I loved the Scott Stapp pose too. It’s like sexy Jesus. But what’s with the hair this week? I’d be surprised if he was in the bottom three again this week. Not bad falsetto at the end, but not the best he’s done.

Off to the side Paula moments: Paula actually called Mandisa a horse. And Paula, the LA Laker girl, actually thinks that Taylor can dance? She was shushed by Simon four times in one segment. She called Kellie a tigress. What?

Other notes: Is CocaCola sponsoring this show? I can’t tell. Barry Manilow surprised me with genuine arranging skills, and an extremely plastic face. Is Constantine dating Ryan? If I were Barry Manilow, I wouldn’t have admitted that I didn’t know “Walkin’ After Midnight”…

Bramlett out.

Point Value?

Question: When taking care of 2 of 3 kids (the older ones) by yourself, are there more points earned in the spousal care category by "being able to handle it", which implies that the spouse is not really needed, or by "cracking under the pressure," talking about how much she is needed and this stuff is so hard, and can she please come home?

Which strategy earns the most points with the spouse? I think there are pros and cons to each side. But I need to know the best strategy as I bring the family together Tuesday. And remember, I'll be earning extra points by taking the two kids on a plane to Phoenix, so I don't want to negate those automatic points by implementing the wrong strategy.

Looking forward to hearing some successful (or learning) experiences...

2 New Ipoddable Eddys

Check out these back to back reviews of two artists that I think are way cool, and who are both releasing new CDs tomorrow... click here...

Ben Harper and Prince, both singing about Jesus, if you can believe it. I knew you could.

A New Nightmare: Dance Competitions

Kristi, my lovely wife, is out of town, getting a head start on a jaunt to Phoenix for Spring Break. Leaving me with our two oldest, Sadie (7) and Dillon (4), until Tuesday, when we join Kristi and Anna in AZ. This morning (thank God for Saturday night services) I took Sadie to her Dance Competition. It was, to say the least, surreal.

First of all, this is the kind of thing that men were designed to attend as a pure spectator, popping into the auditorium minutes before the show, flowers in hand, ready to snap pictures and smile. I was certainly not prepared to be the sole parental representative for my child, and obviously, no one else was expecting much more out of me either, which was probably a good thing.

Kristi had called one of the mothers in the team to see if they could take care of Sadie when we got there (which means, fix her hair and do her makeup). Kristi set me up well, but maybe went a little too hard on the sales job about Sadie really needing one of them to help out. When I got there, I handed Sadie over to one of the mothers. As I did so, three or four other moms, who had obviously all gotten the memo about Sadie's motherless journey, patted me on the back and basically inadvertently treated me like I had brain leprosy, like I was "special" - "It's okay, everything's fine, Sadie's in there, and looks great, good job, Dad! Wanna cookie?" Seriously, the expectations for fatherdom are so low, that attendance and actually getting a child from point A to point B is like curing cancer.

Sadie did great, and their teams placed 1st in the competition, but it was such a strange environment. It's like theatre, in that there are performances that warrant applause, but it's like a sport, in that the audience is noisy - not at all a theatre etiquette scenario - they are catcalling, and "rooting" for their dancer/child/friend. And they just talk right on through the numbers. The judges are in the front, which made me realize even more why people can love and relate to American Idol. I was half expecting a british bloke on the mic telling everyone how horrible they were. Add the backstage drama, which looks and feels like Desperate Housewives meets Dancing with the Stars, and you've got prime time television for the next millenium.

And they say that the stuff on TV is too far out there, that they've lost touch with the mainstream middle class America! It's all right here, step right up folks, the circus is in town!

But, nonetheless, my daughter is a fantastic dancer. Even the circus has talented performers, you may just have to put blinders on to the rest of the hijinks in order to see them.

No One Needs To Watch This Much Duke

That's all. No elaboration required. Too much Duke on National Television makes my March Madness turn to just plain mad. And maybe needing meds.

Go Arizona!

Steve Cochran is Cool

This weekend's short film is shot at the WGN Radio studios in the heart of Chicago, and it's totally cool, if I do say so myself. Our series is called "Blink" ripping off the Gladwell book, taking a look at three areas in our lives that God wants to teach us how to "blink" within - making those "in the moment" kind of decisions that will pay off in the long run - three weeks, and this first one is about "speaking at the speed of life"

So since we were talking about talking, who better to go to than the king of afternoon gab, Steve Cochran at WGN? Doesn't hurt that he attends CCC, and is ridiculously accomodating of anything we ask. And he's been known to pose with celebrities, and JOURNEY.

So listen to him during the week on WGN - noon-3, 720am in Chicago, or on the web at wgnradio.com. He's funny, and he's funny. He's got a great story he tells within the short film about the "7 second delay" in radio. We haven't posted the short film on the web site yet, but you can get a sneak peek here.

But do me a favor, if you watch it early, don't come to one of our services and answer the rhetorical questions as though you hadn't heard it all before. We had that happen one week when someone watched the short film, went to a Saturday night service, and answered a question that no one should know, simply because he caught the short film beforehand. No more cheating! Or at least, don't make it obvious...

Watching Paint Dry

Remember when no one had any idea how to make a DVD? Or when you didn't know what kind of technology was required to take your music and put several different tracks together on one of those, oh, what do you call them, compact discs?

When I first started working at CCC, we had just purchased a video editing computer - and this was in 1996. The good old days, when you could actually see the mice underneath the thing running for their lives to keep the thing going. We achieved a marvelous "stutter" effect on some of our earlier videos which was inadvertent due to the computer hiccuping to try and keep up. People thought we did it on purpose, which ironically, made some of those videos timeless. But don't get me started on the old days when you had to dial a phone number to get on the internet. We had to go uphill both ways just to check our email. Wait, I'm not sure we knew what email was yet.

And so now, here I am, with a laptop running wifi, literally making a 20 minute movie, and will render it (without having to leave the thing for five hours, and then come back) - and all I can think is "When will this thing be finished?!? Hurry Up!"

I think every time we tell our computers to hurry up today we should invite someone to punch us in the kidneys.

March Madness...?

I can't really get into all the college games this year. Sorry to be a party pooper. I'm much more interested in American Idol and the Phoenix Suns dominating the Pacific Division.

But that didn't stop me from filling in two separate brackets. I mean, I'm uninspired, but I'm not Unamerican.

And I always have to pick Arizona (my Alma mater) to go all the way. I mean, if they really did go all the way (which they won't) and I didn't pick them,  wouldn't I feel like a jerk?

Who did you pick?